My attitude is NOT always good and I frequently feel stressed out. It's never been more important to continue with my daily scripture reading than now. (It's always important, but when the going gets rough, it's important to lock-in!) I just finished re-reading Genesis and finished up with the story of Joseph once again. He was removed from his home - and he was never able to go back! He had to ask his relations to vow to remove his bones from Egypt and carry them into the promised land some day in the future. I think it's reasonable to assume that my bones will not need to be carried out of this house and that I will not have to have my children vow any such thing to me. But in some moments I feel like it may very well come to that. (And it's only been a month!) I can feel the frustration building and it's harder to keep a lid on it. Bookworm1 asked me yesterday, "WHEN are we going to move HOME?!"
"No one knows." Only God. And He's not letting on.
This verse rises to the surface of my thoughts:
Teach us to number our days aright, that we may gain a heart of wisdom. Ps. 90:12
Our time here will be short, relatively speaking. Although the spirit of adventure has been diminished, it doesn't have to disappear completely; it can be revived. But there is only one true way to revive it and that is to surrender my wishes, my expectations, my fancies, my opinions and my will to the Lord. He can breath life into this situation and teach me many things if I will seek after Him. I know this for a fact; I believe it with my whole heart. But every time I open another box of our belongings and have to begin sniffing I want to pitch fit. (And I also pretty much want to pitch everything into a dumpster and just start fresh!) Following Christ is not easy. Not at all. (If anyone tells you otherwise, you can bet they are absolutely selling you something!) Praising Him when the going gets rough is not exactly the first thing that comes to my mind. Truth be told, it's usually the last. But I must. I must praise Him in this.
Because He has not ceased to be good.
He has not ceased to be omniscient.
He has not ceased to be loving.
He has not ceased being holy. He still demands my praise. And I must learn to give it no matter what I'm feeling at the time.
Music is a way in which God tends to remind me of these truths. I was getting ready for the day one morning and this old and extremely simple song of Amy Grant's popped into my head. (Don't dismiss it just because the song is from Amy Grant. This was back in her frizzy hair days. It's alright.)
And I have a need
To follow that will,
To humbly be still,
To rest in it,
Nest in it,
Fully be blessed in it,
Following my Father's will.
Your love, Lord, is in my heart.
You wrote it there; it won't depart.
It lights my way and keeps me out of the dark.
His will is for me and my family to be in temporary housing for an undetermined period of time. It is not to be in our home. It is to take us outside of our comfort zone and see us praise Him in all of the nitty gritty details.
It is not fun.
He didn't say it would be.
He simply said to follow and obey. Accept and praise. It's one of the hardest things we controlling humans feel like doing. But there it is. We are to praise Him no matter the circumstances.
Why, my soul, are you downcast? Why so disturbed within me? Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise him, my Savior and my God. Psalm 42:11
For You are holy
My voice will ever
Rise before Your throne
My heart will love You
For You are lovely
And You have called me
To become Your own
And so we continue to wait. We remind ourselves that God is in control and that we are still in His hands. We are waiting and He is working out our salvation. Blessed be the Name of the Lord.
Taking every step in obedience
While I'm waiting
I will serve You
While I'm waiting
I will worship
While I'm waiting
I will not faint
I'll be running the race
Even while I wait